He Who Hesitates Is Lost
By Steve Ensley
Recently, my wife Jeanne and I were out walking. Walking has become a daily ritual made much easier for me when Jeanne goes along. Obviously when you walk three miles, you have lots of time to talk. So we were talking about a number of issues including why don't more people use Internet filters.
As we were discussing this issue, Jeanne made the comment that she often would "not" do something because it could not be done perfectly. Jeanne has a great gift from God in that she is very discerning. She has a very clear image of right and wrong or black and white as we sometimes say. This makes her a great partner in the decision making process. But, by her own admission she will sometimes freeze into inaction because she is afraid the decision won't be perfect. Or she won't do something because it cannot be done "correctly". This, of course, is by her definition of "correctly" which usually is very high. I praise God for the gift she has because it balances my sometimes weakness of not setting standards high enough.
So that comment really started me thinking! We have spent many thousands of hours here at AFO analyzing why people want filters and what they want in a filter. We have also invested considerable resources in trying to understand why many people don't want Internet filtering.
With some reflection on Jeanne's comment, the issue became much more clear to me. I think I am beginning to understand that resistance to Internet filters comes from areas within our temperament and personality that are much deeper than cost or technical issues.
Let's explore some of the different temperament responses to Internet filtering.
For those of us who are goal oriented, we may see a filter as interfering with our goals of Internet usage. If that is the case, than maybe we need to take a second look at our goals. Are our Internet goals self serving and maybe even immoral or do we have goals that are enriching and honoring to God? For us goal-oriented people, we need to be very careful and honest with the answer to that question. The solution may be as simple as redefining our goals. If we make our goal to honor God and serve our family, then an Internet filter makes all the sense in the world. It becomes a question of whose goals are more important, God's or ours?
How about the group of people that just want to have fun? Does that group see an Internet filter as interfering with their fun? Maybe so, since their definition of fun usually includes being able to easily connect with other people. This makes them especially vulnerable to chat room affairs, get rich schemes, gaming and other "fun" activities on the Internet. We see more and more gambling problems directly related to the Internet every day. The fun loving people will be most easily caught up in the high levels of "fun" opportunities provided by the Internet. Unfortunately, much of the Internet fun is very destructive. For these folks it has to become apparent that Internet chat rooms, gambling, violent and erotic games and other fun stuff from the Internet do not end up being fun. In fact they end up destroying families and relationships and that is "not fun"! No one will think you are very fun or wonderful if you allow your family to be destroyed because you needed to have unrestricted fun on the Internet. It will be more fun to know you have access to the good, but are protected from the bad. The fun person will have to see how "not fun" some of the Internet can be.
Everyone knows a person who is a peacemaker. The peacemakers do not want to rock the boat and they don't want to destroy their relationships that they worked so hard to establish. I think our biggest group of filter subscribers at AFO are the peacemakers. They seem to intuitively see the need for protection from Internet garbage. However they may also be the ones that would most quickly dump a filter if it began to cause conflict within the family. For example, there might be familial conflict if junior wants his online games, which might be graphically violent and erotic or sister wants her chat rooms which are at best vulgar and at worst very dangerous because of stalking. Children can raise quite a fuss over being denied access to some of the Internet activity that "everyone else is doing!"
The peacemaker might actually deactivate the filter or never get one in the first place because of this potential conflict in the family. The peacemaker person needs to know that the conflict and destruction will be much worse if unlimited and unprotected Internet access is allowed. They will have a family with NO peace if the family gets addicted to the dark side of the Internet. It will take courage for this person to deal with some minor conflict in order to protect from the major conflicts cause by unprotected Internet service.
The last group, the ones like my wife Jeanne, might be thinking I don't want a filter because no filter is perfect. That is a lot like saying I don't want to wear a seat belt because they don't always save every life in an accident. Or it is like saying I won't wash any dinner dishes because it will not kill 100% of the bacteria on a dish. The thinking seems to be that if the filter is not 100% perfect, then it is no good at all. This type of person needs to realize that many things in life are not perfect, yet they are essential. Medical science is not perfect, but most of us will turn to imperfect doctors when our health is in trouble.
In other words, the protection given today by Internet filters does make a difference. I believe the black and white personality needs to understand that the right thing to do, if you have Internet access, is to give the best protection available and then be the person to take responsibility for all Internet activity within your control.
These are just some of the examples that we have discussed within our organization and I hope you have enjoyed our thought processes. In the end, it does come down to this, if a person makes excuses or allows their temperament to get in the way of acquiring a filter, they will become an Internet victim. It is just a matter of time! In other words "he who waits will be lost"!
Please don't wait! Don't wait for a member of your family to be harmed before you invest in a filter. Don't make the tragic mistake of thinking you don't need a filter. Do the right thing, protect your family, keep harmony and have some safe fun on the Internet. God bless you!Steve Ensley
AFO